FIVE THINGS I'M DOING TOMORROW

1. Workout. Not in the morning because it's almost after 1am and I'm not sleeping. But I will workout. Tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my fit life. Is that "Oprah, live your best life" enough to make it happen?
2. Make a decision about my hair. Do I get bangs? Do I cut it shorter? WHAT AM I DOING WITH THIS MOP?
3. Walk around with good posture and see how many people ask me if I've lost ten pounds. I hear it's the easiest way to "look like you lost weight". I'm fooled by Shape magazine every time it has a cover article about losing ten pounds fast. I buy the issue, take it home, kick off my shoes, and plan to learn the top Hollywood secret to staying thin and all the article says is, "practice better posture". Tomorrow I'm putting it to the test.
4. Make homemade dinner. The words, "Nate, let's go get Quiznos for dinner" shall not pass my lips. Tomorrow.
5. Start reading my favorite book ever, Crime and Punishment. Thank you Fyodor Dostoevsky. You have been brilliant every time. Especially with those gritty Notes From The Underground. Side note: Crime and Punishment has always been one of my top five favorite books. Nate's is Brother Karamazov. What are the chances we both fancy Dostoevsky? Remarkably proven in literature written long before we were born that we were meant to be. Right?

CPR ON AN OLD CONCEPT {A-Z: I}

Long ago I started a little series with a nod at Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life. I got as far as H. I"m going to pick up where I left off. With "I".

I: vowel {pronounced "eye"}

Impossible: Most things I've ever accomplished started out being categorized as "impossible".

Insomnia: I'm having a relationship with my insomnia. Things are rocky to say the least. My relationship with sleeping medications like Ambien and Trazadone, however, is definitely showing more potential.


Introduce: Things I want to introduce into my regular routine 1. yoga 2. healthy meals {3 of them plus snacks} 3. peace 4. just enough sleep 5. running 6. blogging  7. something new 8. reading 9. patience 10. meditation.


I love you: Words to live by.

I THINK I WANT A GNOME

There are a lot of gnomes out there. But I happen to like him best. He would be perfect wandering around our yard, patrolling the garden and keeping our tomatoes safe from thieves. He's on my must-have list for spring.

A CHAT FROM NATE

While I was at work on Friday I wasn't signed into gmail for most of the day. But at home, I was. At some point that afternoon, Nate was trying to get the sound on his laptop to work and using gmail chat as a testing ground. When I came home from work, this is the chat I saw from Nate sitting on my desk top.

I WAS TEASED FOR BEING A TOMBOY

When I was in middle school I got my first job as a paper girl. I delivered The Herald Journal in true 1980's style. A-symmetrical bob, "risky business" style sunglasses, lots of jelly bracelets, and an attitude that probably seemed pretty off-putting. I was channeling my inner Madonna.

If you can imagine a 14-year old girl in strappy gladiator sandals {we called them Jesus sandals in the '80s}, ratted out bob with a pink checkerboard shaved in the back, lip gloss, and a saddlebag style carrier worn over my shoulders; I was a complete site to behold. I still don't like small dogs {sorry all you small dog owners but they snap at people's heals and you never discipline them} and have issues with the smell of newspaper ink. Imust admit I'd LOVE to have a newspaper girl with such an attitude, delivering the news to my front door.

I remember one boy about my age sitting in a tree in his front yard yelling, "Tonia is a tomboy. Tonia the tomboy. Tony the tomboy", and I was heartbroken. I was trying my absolute hardest to be ultra cool and somewhat mysterious and there he was, sitting high on his pedestal {or tree branch}, calling me names.

Twenty-three years later I'd certainly love to wear these AG tomboy jeans {from Anthropologie} to the day party portion of my 20th high school reunion, find that stupid boy and let him call me Tony the tomboy all he wants.

EVER TRIED TO GROW OUT YOUR EYEBROWS?

I've decided I want my eyebrows a bit thicker. But oh, the agony of growing them out. I'm in that awkward phase where anyone looking just thinks I'm lazy and need better grooming habits. I think the discomfort and public shame will only take another week and then, sweet eyebrows!

I read that during this "ugly" growing-out phase, I should wear fringy bangs or a hat. I can wear a fedora one, maybe two days, but then I'll just look like a suspicious Tom Landry without the respected football coaching record.

SICK BED RESPONSIBILITIES

1. wear most comfortable clothes
2. send husband for Nyquil
3. keep blackberry nearby; afterall, it owns you
4. watch Center Stage
5. watch Center Stage: Turn it up
6. brush teeth while laying down
7. fold laundry
8. cough into sleeve; who needs tissue?
9. make packet of chili and eat while laying down
10. hide from to-do list

YES WE CAN?

Listening to Obama's acceptance speech. Thinking about all the things I have done or have yet to do. Suppose I should adopt his mantra and just keep to the "yes I can" policy.

Yes I can:
1. wake up in the morning feeling better
2. lose another 10 pounds
3. make a difference at work
4. make a difference in the world
5. have a child
6. get my house to the "done" stage
7. convince Nate to get me a kitten
8. learn to minimize my anxiety
9. write and publish a book
10. be a great leader wherever I go

HARVARD SMART

Ivy. League.
I was on Harvard campus yesterday. The leaves were falling and it rained a little. You could almost smell the history coming from the old bricks. Something about a college campus is so romantic; all those smart minds gathered in one place.
I was walking along the pathways wondering if any of those kids could tell I didn't belong. If I actually looked out of place. They looked just like everyone else I know. But I could tell there was something more ticking inside those brains of their's. Genius happening right before my eyes.
I've thought about going back to school. Studying creative writing. Being a student again. Geographically it wouldn't work out, but I wonder if I have what it takes to get into a school like Harvard or Cambridge or Stanford. I'd like to think I'm Harvard smart.

A-Z: H

H: (gpronounced aytch)

House: we have been in the bungalow for almost a year and a half. Still a significant number of framed artwork sits on the floor; unhung and unsung. It has all the space we need and then some. It stays the temperature we like it to be because we control the dial and the dials respect our wishes. The landscaping is nearly complete which will result in a fabulous neighborhood party with food and games. Hip Hip Hooray for aytch!

Hybrid Friend: A hybrid friend started out being and exclusive friend to one person in the relationship. For instance, let's say Nate had a friend named Jet that he hung out with in highschool and college. Jet was a thoroughbred friend until Jet married Jana and Nate married me. Now we all share a Hybrid Freindship with each other. It's changed in ways that wouldn't have occured without all the new players. It takes all the good from each person and tries to deemphasize the bad. It's just a hybrid friendship.

Happy: Happy for me requires a few small things. 1. a clean house. 2. sleep 3. healthy friends and family 4. work that challenges me 5. work with creative people 6. staying in shape 7. getting organized with lots of executable plans!! 8. Jeans that fit 9. doing something for others. 10. waking up on a saturday morning thinking it's really friday morning...and then realizing it's indeed saturday mornng. LOVE it.

Heros, Logan's: This might be the best sub shop in the Logan, Utah area.

Hag, Old: We woke up to find this blow up doll, styled to look like a snoopy old lady was peeking into the window by our front door. Nate and I both did the quick in-take of air when we saw it for the first morning. Project old hag will be in full effect tomorrow evening as we choose just how we deliver the old hag back to her original home. It will likely involve duct tape and the hag peaking in windows she's not yet been at liberty to

Haze: Ambien Haze is mighty marvelous. Here it comes now; sliding through my head like a hurricane...look our for hallucinations.

A-Z: G

G {pronounced JEE}

Gigantism: See elephantitis. I'm obsessed with an anomaly.

Guevara, Che: There are bits of Che's life that I truly admire; primarily the parts where we was dissatisfied with inequality and committed his life to bringing attention to the gross realities. Nate likes to think I'm a revolutionary at heart. I found a beanie in Spain with Che's face on it. I wear it when I'm in a safe, controlled environment.

Gray: I got my first gray hair when I was 23. I lived in Chicago and Curtis and I discovered it one day at work. We quickly removed it and Curtis decided to frame it in order to remind me of how quickly life was passing me by. I think he was just trying to make himself feel better because we were the same age and he was 99% bald.

Gams: Sometimes I like to refer to legs as gams. Mostly when I'm talking about chubby baby gams.

A-Z: F

F {pronounced EFF}

Fiction: I read a lot of fiction but I always thought I'd write a lot of fiction. I still sometimes feel a good short story or novel percolate inside my brain {which I think is too big for my skull} and as soon as I feel that I punch and kick it back down into non-existence. Do you know how fulfilling and satisfying it would be to write a book? To make money writing. Money of any shape or size? And do you know how afraid I am of being satisfied? Oh yes, I'm afraid of satisfaction. Because then what? What do you do once you've done the one thing you always wanted to do? Move to Florida and fall asleep on a beach chair?

Forizzle: This is a word that gets used a lot at our house. Usually when Nate or I do something worthy of praise; like that one time Nate saved the world and I saved all the orphans in Africa. When we do such things we usually pat each other on the back and follow it up with the only thing fitting in the English language. "You're forizzle."

FJ Cruiser: I'd still like one. But I can only have it once our family exceeds a normal sedan. I cannot justify a bigger-than-life car with all the talk of saving our planet coupled with the price of gas. Plus, the SUV is so trite in Utah these days. Sometimes when I see a single person driving in a big car like that, I want wave them over to the side of the road and punch then in the face for my children and my children's children who will only know of the panda bear as a myth.

Family: I looked at Nate the other day and realized that he is my family. We don't share any of the sames genes {phew} and our childhoods were completely different. But there he was, sitting next to me in the car driving to a movie. And he was my family.

I WANT A PET, OR A BABY

I was innocently {okay, lazily} sitting on the couch with my feet thrown over the coffee table on Friday night. Usual position. Nate sat in the club chair to my left. A commercial comes on with Sara McLachlin singing "Arms of an Angel" only it's for some foundation that helps prevent animal cruelty and is trying to incent people to adopt pets. And suddenly, I'm crying and begging Nate to get a pet. He said what someone allergic to animals always says, "no". So then I told him if I couldn't have a pet, I wanted a baby. The conversation ended with us both laughing and then me trying to convince him to get a pet, again.
I want to adopt this dog. So cute.

A-Z: E

E {pronounced Eey}

Elephantitis: I've always been obsessed with the anomaly. {see also fetus in fetu}

Entertainment, For Your: I saw the Charlatans UK perform in a small club in SLC. It was a great show. Last year I went on a long ride {on my Croix de Fer} for my birthday and when I heard the Charlatans play, "For Your Entertainment" I was racing down 118th South splashing mud on my legs having the time of my life.

Eggs: I love scrambled eggs with ketchup. Although I haven't jumped on the "organic" bandwagon, I do like to reduce, reuse, recycle. And the idea of brown eggs.

Ernest Hemingway: I know it sounds cliche, but I really do like his writing style. He changed my life when it came to literature.

A-Z: D

D {pronounced "dee"}

Dapple: I've always liked the word dapple.

Decide: This word means everything to me.

Dark: I love my bedroom to be really really dark. Cold and dark. But in the morning, I like to be woken up with soft sunlight and warmth. Oh, and I also like foot massages and compliments upon waking.

Dood: Nate and I use the word dude a lot. Except when we use it, it's spelled dood. Can't you hear the difference?

REMEMBER ME? A-Z: C

It's been a while. I've been so busy. I got home from China on Thursday lastweek and have been in a haze of sleeplessness and sleepiness all at the same time. It seems that when I should be sleeping I can't, and when I'm driving to work I get really drowsy.
Plus, Nate left Sunday for Houston and won't get back until Thursday night.
























C: {pronounced "see""}

Creosote: Twice while I was growing up we had chimney fires. Finally we had a reputable wood burning stove expert come and check out the stove and chimney. He told us the stove was too big for the chimney space resulting in a lot of creosote which translated into fire. My parents still use the stove and now we just all accept the idea of the occasional ember.

Clementine: I was on a short hike about ten years ago in Montana. Half way through the hike this cute little curly haired girl came racing down the trail all by herself. She was probably about three but totally independent and full of energy. From behind me on the trail I heard a woman say, "Clementine, slow down and wait for mama." It was at the moment that I knew if I ever had a baby girl, I'd want to name her Clementine after this little girl I only saw once but fell in love with and still think about ten years later. I bet if I met Clementine today, she'd be a funky little thirteen year old in skinny jeans, chuck tailors and bright blue "anime" style hair. She probably smokes and makes out with her boyfriend in public.

Camping: One of my favorite things to do in life is camp. I'm not talking about pulling up to a designated stall in my Jetta and setting up camp at site #12 in some campground called "wood glen" or "silver lake". I'm talking about loading up the backpack, hiking in a few miles and picking the perfect little meadow next to a stream. The thing I love the most is snuggling into my down sleeping bag inside my ultra perfect two-man tent and gazing up at the night sky. Nate has to be with me of course.

Capeesh: When I've really made my point in a friendly argument and I can finish it off with "capeesh?" It sounds so very Godfather.

Clipboard: There is atleast one time a day when I wish I had a clipboard.

A-Z in 26 DAYS: B

B {pronounced "bee"}

Bounce: One of my favorite smells is the glorious bounce dryer sheet. When my robe and bedding are fresh and clean and smell like bounce, I'm completely content.

Bebe: I probably call Nate Bebe about 50 times a day.

Before/Behind: One thing I'm learning more and more in life is to pay less attention to what is before or behind me and just focus on the moment.

Blush: I know I wear too much blush sometimes. But it's my guilty cosmetic pleasure. Deal with it.

A-Z IN 26 DAYS

Kym gifted me a copy of An Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life to enjoy on my trip to China {I leave Tuesday if all goes well}. Anyway, I took a two day detour to Arkansas this week and started reading it on the plane. Love it. It's funny and clever; completely uneventful but voyeuristic. Just my type of book.
I've decided to replicate this concept here on the Blog. For 26 days I'll highlight a topic (s) starting with the appropriate letter in the alphabet.

A {pronounced "ay"}

Addicted: My life has been pretty busy lately. Lot's to do; no time to do it. Stress. Worry. Hunker down and get it done. I'm not sure if it's as a result of the higher stress level {sometimes work stress is not a bad thing} but I'm requiring more and more caffeine as the days progress. I happen to drink a lot of the RockStar zero carb drink {read two a day}. While I don't notice any big gapping holes in my stomach lining as a result, I do see my nervous ticks exploding off the charts. You thought I was particular before.

Apple: I eat them often. I prefer the Gala.

Authentic: What I vowed I would be from now on. With work. With life. In my marriage and friendships. Everyday; all day long.

MOTHER NATURE HAS MADE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL

I've made note of the wind before. It's not unusual to have wind at Daybreak; kinda goes with the territory. It's like the smell of the ocean in Seaside; you just expect and accept it - on some level you even grow to love it. But tonight, something far worse than I've previously witnessed blew into town.
Proof Point #1: Nate and I drove to Quiznos for a classic Italian {don't worry Digger, we split it}. As we were driving home, we penetrated what appeared to be the eye of a tornado. Dark swirling dust and wind enveloped us and the visibility was negative numbers. Scary but enchanting as we both laughed out loud.
Proof Point #2: I had an afro by the time I got in the car. I spend hours in the bathroom trying to produce fake volume in my hair so the fact that 7 seconds produced mass, otherwise impossible to achieve, says something about the wind.
Proof Point #3: I swear I can feel a draft "coming from inside the house!!"
Proof Point #4: We saw a tumbleweed roll across the street which is not uncommon for Utah. But what is uncommon is a tumbleweed measuring approximately six feet high. This thing was behemoth.
Proof Point #5: My face is dusty.

THE DAY I CAST OFF MY WATCH

Subtitle: And the day I put it back on

Santa Fe, NM, circa 1994.
It was spring break time of year {just like now} and I was in need of a getaway. My friend Karina called from NYC and said she was fed up and needed to blow the city for a while. So we decided to take Greyhound and meet up in Santa Fe for some kind of twenty-something angst trip.
My bus ride was about 36 hours from Utah. I think Karina's was in the ballpark of 60. That's some time on a bus, packed like Pringles with a lot of strangers and strange smells. Our plan to meet at the bus station worked perfectly and before long we were paying $13 each/night for a little dive hotel off the main drag. It was a perfect place. Phone booth out front. Little Spanish boy playing basketball in the courtyard at the crack of dawn. Hanging out with Karina, who at the time was a big Hemingway fan, too.
I guess the most defining moment of this trip, aside from seeing the GeorgiaO'Keeffe museum, was my liberation from the wrist watch. I remember making some poignant {or so it seemed at the time; you remember being in your twenties} statement about how I was finally tired of being a hostage to time and time limits and time frames. Then I took off my wrist watch and tossed it in the garbage. No looking back. No regrets.
Now, fourteen years later, I've decided it might be a good idea to wear a watch again. Does that mean I'm no longer a free spirit? Does it mean I'm completely corporate minded and a stuffed shirt? I hope not. I think what it means is that I still like to be spontaneous and free-spirited, I just need to know how much time I've got before I have to be back at the office.
Here's what I'm rockin' on my wrist now {mine is the black one}. It's the Rocker watch from Nixon.