January 06, 2012

I SUCK, COMPARED TO...

Yeah, about once a month I get deep into it. I'm not as pretty as... I'm not as fit as... I am so unburdened with talent. I practically don't exist at all. Thank you womanhood. I don't know how I'd stay humble or manipulated by self-doubt if you didn't exist.

It's hard. I think some people have a tendency to compare themselves to others. While others have a tendency to be the ones we compare ourselves to. Sure, I know I'm comparing my worst to their best, or something like that. But it really doesn't make any difference at 2am when I have insomnia and some girl takes rad-er photos, writes more vibrant posts, lives lovelier, styles herself in more than 2 pair of black yoga pants...well, you get it. Blogs are inspiring. And at the same time, at least I can leave a party if I start coveting someones ability to perform magic. A blog though, it never goes away. It's still gonna be there with another post about how their accomplishments are like 40 gazillion times more amazing than mine.

But you know what gives me hope? The baby monitor is on and every once in a while my little Clementine, 47 paces away from my bed - sleeping in her own crib in her own room, she stirs. I hear her soft sighs and the rustling of her body as she wiggles around to get comfortable, and I'm liberated from my head, from *her blog, from my general suckiness. Yes, my ass is bigger than hers. And my blog will never be relevant or rock like hers. And OH MY HELL I'm 40 and she's like, what, 23? But I'm the only one lucky enough to have Clementine.

*her is basically anyone that I'm not. I'm not referring to any her in particular. But her knows who her is.

7 comments:

Kayela said...

Love this. I've been thinking about this exact topic all day today. At one point I even had to ban myself from reading other people's blogs because it was only making me feel like a complete failure at everything in life... I have unbanned myself now, but only as long as I can control my envious feelings;)

CaraDee said...

This is silly. YOU are the one with the life on the blog that everyone covets.

MrsEm said...

Once a year I do a big unsubscribe on my RSS reader for just this reason. Peace at any price.

natalie malan said...

by perform magic I am sure you are referring to my mad pizza tossing skills at Robyn's house right? ! ;) I wish I could rock yoga pants a cute as you do! Hugs. PS Emmett is texting you a pic of his outfit today to cheer you up.

Dream of a teenager said...

Cool story

Kym said...

Avis. Does it help that I covet the way your write? That your mind thinks of WAY better subjects to discuss on your blog than me? Is it helpful to know that I think your baby is WAAAAYYYY SUPER DUPER CUTE? Or that you do crafts a trillion times better than me. I loved you from the start and I can't say that about a lot of bloggers. They have to grow on me.
P.S. If you have insomnia, you might want to turn off your baby monitor, kiddo. j/k
P.S.S. I have a feeling I know who "Hers" is. I know you THAT well. And it's because I covet "HER" as well. How can I take cool photos when all I carry around with me is my iPhone?
kiss my clemmy for me.

Amara said...

I second Kayela and CaraDee.