SEVEN CAVITIES

I hadn't been to the dentist in a coupla years. Partly because I was pregnant and then because I had Clemmy. But mostly because before that I had this insanely crazy job that nearly killed me and I could never bring myself to make an appointment and keep it. Do you hear that old job? YOU ARE TO BLAME.
So a week ago I finally went. The guilt was keeping me up at night {they way I'm affected by guilt is a whole other post} and I just knew things had gotten out of hand. And by out of hand I mean reeling out of control and on the verge of catastrophe.
So I go. I explain to the dental assistant that Nate and I had bets on how many cavities I actually had. Not IF I had any but HOW MANY. My guess was seven and Nate guessed five. Well, I was right. S-E-V-E-N. The satisfaction of being right quickly turned to shock, then humiliation, followed by OMG I have to get seven fillings very soon.
And then very soon turned into THAT VERY SAME DAY. The assistant said, "hey we have time right now if you wanna just get them all filled...now." And I said, "okay, I guess". And that was that. Ten minutes later I was jacked up on laughing gas with a giant wedge holding my jaw open a little wider than as wide as it would go. Even in my nitrous fog I knew I'd pay for the damage that wedge would do to my jaw for many days.
Then the drilling began and it just kept going and going and going. I had to listen to that boring conversation between the dentist and the assistant (we've all been held captive by that stupid conversation before. ASSISTANT: So how was McKayla's dance recital? DENTIST: She did great. She was the only one who didn't make a mistake. ASSISTANT: I know she is only three, but I can tell she is a natural leader. TONIA: (voice in my head) C'mon Dentist, can't you tell she is totally kissing your ass? I don't know why but she is. You're little one is no more a natural leader at three than I am an opera singer with seven cavities). That conversation.
After all that novocaine my face was basically ready to slide off my skull. It's really amazing how the muscles in our face, even without any effort, are working to hold up our cheeks and our lips and our eyes. And when those muscles are injected with something that makes them all go fast asleep, your face looks like it's melting right off. So I raced right home because, where was I gonna go like that?

Since that day I've had the worst teeth aches. Seven teeth aches actually. When I get pregnant with baby number two I'm gonna hook myself up to a calcium drip and get weekly enamel baths.

The "root" of the problem. Haha.