WEEKLY GUILT JOURNAL

You know how sometimes just talking about things makes you feel better? Well, I'm putting that to the test in a new weekly series I'm calling my "Guilt Journal". Every Mormon girl has one. Maybe not neatly printed out in the leather bound book she keeps bedside...but it's there. It could be masquerading as a "to do" list or it might just be rattling around in her conscience. One way or another, it exists and it wreaks havoc on her mental health.
Things I'm guilty about this week:
1. I STILL have not taken Clementine's 9-month photo. I take them every month. She sits next to the same stuffed animals wearing the party hat I made her. They are adorable and document how she has changed each month. She turned 9-months on April 22 and I haven't yet taken the photo. Let me point out the obvious. She turns 10-months in a few days. So now, I'm gonna have to take the fake 9-month photo and then wait for a few weeks to take the late 10-month photo and hope that her hair grows really fast in between. Otherwise she'll look exactly the same in both photos. Possible fix: Put make up on her for the 10-month photo. Not a lot. Just some blush, lip stain, and mascara. Other possible fix: stuff her bra

2. I bought a gorgeous poppy flower to plant in the flowerbed and improve our curbside appeal. And there it sits, getting root-bound and coughing up dusty air STILL IN THE POT. How can it be that hard? It is though. Because I have to 1. get Clementine to take a nap or drag out a blanket and toys for her to sit on while I work. 2. change my clothes in to my work knits (as opposed to my everyday knits or heaven forbid my special occasion knits) and put on actual shoes (not just flip flops). You can't use a shovel in flip flops. I've tried before.

3. I've done laundry all week. I actually like doing it. I like taking a pile of stanky-ass clothes and turning them into a fluffy, warm pile that smells like Gain and Bounce. I also like to fold the clothes and put them in neat little stacks. What I don't like to do is put those stacks away. I hate it. Once of my top 10 worst household chores. So the laundry I did on Monday is still sitting on the chaise lounge in neat little piles. Five. Days. Later.

4. I recently discovered that I love to cook. I love trying new recipes and working with ingredients (like saffron) that I don't normally use. I love putting a plate of steaming hot food in front of Nate and then basking in the warm glow of his compliments. I haven't cooked a good meal in a few weeks now. Nate is back to his old habits of eating cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm back to my old habit of hating myself for letting the asparagus go bad.

5. Birthday cards. I like to get them. I like to send them. I have a nice list of family birthdays (on both sides) and I still can't manage to send the people I love a nice card. What is wrong with me? I love them. I have the means to buy or make a card. I know they must be like me and still get a little excited to receive a piece of mail that isn't from AARP. C'mon Tonia, what's the problem.

I'm not sure I feel much better about it. In fact, it might have just brought it all back to the surface. But there you have it. This week's top 5 things on my guilt journal.

See how the pillows are stacked up like a tower
because they have no place to go on the chaise?