So, I've become really worried about Clementine adopting my bad habits. I've heard time and time again that a child's biggest influence is the same gender parent which means I have the honor and burden of being the biggest influence in Clemmy's life. SCARY. Scary because the voice in my head can be really critical and mean and it has an eagle eye for every flaw I have. Scary because I can be lazy. Scary because I'm tremendously addictive. Scary because the fear of failing often stops me from trying. Scary because the pursuit of perfection is exhausting.
I've spent some time talking with my therapist about my fear of passing on bad Tonia-traits to Clementine and have had an "aha" moment. Thru our discussions I've learned that no one is perfect and every parent is sure to pass on dozens of bad habits to their offspring. There's really nothing we can do about it. Any of us. So I'm focusing on something else. If Clementine sees me openly working on my faults, without judging myself, then she'll realize that it's okay to be imperfect. She'll see that life is just a process of working on yourself, to improve what you can and accept the rest. If I can pass this self-acceptance and self-improvement on to her then I'll be forever completely proud of myself. Also, I apologize if Clementine is irreverent or offensive. She learned it from me.
|We were both sick. So we snuggled.|