I USED TO CUSS LIKE A TRUCKER

Some (Nate) may have even called me trucker-mouth some of the time. It's just who I am (was). And then I had Clementine and the world literally stopped rotating for just a second and when it started up again...it was spinning in the opposite direction (and I became a conservative cusser). My world changed in a bazillion different ways; mostly for the good. But, of course, there is always bad with the good, right?

First, I lost all my core strength. I've been in my body for 40 years and after that amount of time you get to know each other pretty well. I used to know exactly what it felt like to sit on the ground and then get to my feet. I could even do it gracefully and without grunting. The whole process now has about twenty steps and reduces me to thinking, "Is this really my body"?. There are times that my head tells my body to do something (like roll over in bed) and my body initially thinks it's a simple request. But it's not. Thanks to my trainer this will all be a thing of the past very soon.

Second, I used to work. I had a career and a title and felt sort of important about it. Now my job has many titles like poopy diaper removal, cheerleader, silly noise maker, paparazzi, home sanitation, and sleep trainer. I am constantly making a fool of myself all for the sake of a Clementine smile. I'd do anything to get that mouth to form one of it's gummy grins. Anything.

Thirdly, when Nate used to ask "what's for dinner?" I'd usually reply, "quesadillas or cereal". Now I might answer with something like "chicken tagine or ground nut stew". I really like cooking and trying new flavors. And with a husband that would eat the tongue of a shoe if I served it to him...I'm in a good place to experiment.

Lastly, I used to be interesting. I listened to NPR and read books and engaged in interesting conversations with other adults. Conversations that didn't include phrases like, "the pork is on ad at Harmons this week" or "is that dried spit up on my shoulder?" or my favorite, "look, I put on lip gloss today." I know this last change is deeply my fault. I can still read, and shower, and change out of sweats a few times a week. All in good time. All in good time. These mom shoes are new to me and once I feel a little more comfy in them I'll see how they look with hair and makeup.

Well, if it weren't for the bad changes, the good ones wouldn't be as rad. Right?

I just have to say this, though, because I feel like it. There are some blogs out there that are really wonderful and pretty and give this impression that life is always beautiful and full and adventurous. They fool us all into thinking that life should be full of well-planned parties and gorgeous outfits and homes that look like they belong in Domino (yay) magazine. They were inspiring to look at for a while and now they are boring. They're all the same, and too focused on looking perfect and making life look like a magazine spread.

Um, please stop. Women already have a tendency to compare themselves to everyone's best self. We already expect way too much of ourselves and focus on our faults. And women in Utah are already among the heaviest users of anti-depressants. I wish we all felt a little bit better about being real. And sharing the real side of ourselves with people. I prefer people with imperfections, a pile of laundry, and spit up in their hair. It's the truth so why are we so ashamed to tell it that way?

Me and Clemmy. She is bathed...I'm not.
Eyelash extensions are the world's best invention
and I wish every new mom could have them .